Look. In life, stuff happens. In relationships, stuff definitely happens. Sometimes we do things wrong. Sometimes our mates do things wrong. But here’s where a big problem comes in, and that’s when, sometimes, we can’t let go of what we or our mate has done wrong.
We can get stuck thinking about what they did wrong to us, how they shouldn’t have done it, etc. If we keep thinking about it and getting mad about it, we create even more relationship damage.
For this reason, forgiveness becomes an important part of relationships. We need to practice forgiveness to stay in love rather than fall out of love.
But how can you forgive when what happened is so upsetting and keeps replaying in your mind? How can you let it go when it won’t let you go?
Well, forgiveness is a skill, that, like any other, takes some practice to develop. However, it can be broken down into several parts. One powerful part of forgiveness is to try on not taking what they did personally.
What does this mean? It means that when they were rude or when they were unthoughtful or when they yelled at you that it is about them, not about you. They are trying, like all of us, to do the best they can. And, like all of us, they get frustrated and upset and irritable about things from time to time. And sometimes, they will vent or release that frustration all over you. You just happened to be there!
If you can see that it wasn’t so much about you, then you can let it go more easily. And letting it go is forgiveness. Can you let go? That is the heart of forgiveness. The past happened. You can’t change that they yelled at you. But you can let go of your anger that they did. You can choose how to respond. You can choose how much anger to carry around.
Letting go is a key to forgiveness. If you can’t let go of things, you are the one who will walk around for days after reliving a negative event. You are the one who stays hurt. Forgive, and it heps you, and it helps your relationship.
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