What is the reason for our remaining alive? For what have we come here? Day after day we are being asked about the sense and purpose of our lives. And many of us keep on searching for answers. Will we be able to achieve happiness? That is also a question that forces us every day to find out its answer. What happens if the answer to those queries is quite uncomplicated? What if it is all about ONE thing? Bonding. The secret of happiness is explained perfectly in the stimulating voice of Masami Sato in the excerpt of her book, ONE.
What are we trying to find out?
There are many things we do in our life.
But have we ever thought about why we do what we do? What are we really looking for?
The world now is full of billions of us coming from different races, countries, religions and beliefs all doing different things. We all look different and act quite differently. We have different interest and attitude from others. We communicate differently often using different languages. We have different desire and feelings.
However, if we were to say there is just ONE thing we are ALL looking for, what would it be?
While I travelled all over the world, I did ask people one simple question, “What would you like to achieve in your life? What do you really want?”
In the beginning it appeared that different people were looking for different things. People said different things like “A house of my own”, “A good job”, “A perfect partner”, “A soul mate”, “A little more money”, “An affectionate family”, “Freedom”, “Peace of mind”, “A purpose to life” etc. There were many answers of this type.
I did notice that some of these requirements were of a more earthly nature while others were of a permanent nature. Earthly desires are those that we want because we do not yet have it, or think that we do not yet have it. As against this, permanent desires are not about getting things we do not have. It is about a ‘feeling’ that we yearn for, so that it does not come to an end, whatever we get or accomplish at every moment or our lives.
If one could just remove all earthly desires from our list and look at only permanent desires, it would be obvious that we just want to continue feeling positive sensations like excitement, happiness, inspiration, motivation, munificence, affection, joy etc. – put in other words, we want to continue being happy.
Contentment
Happiness is one state of emotion that we are all longing to be in. We all may define it differently. We may value it differently. We may experience it at different levels of intensity. But we surely have something in common when happiness comes to us. And when we discover this secret about happiness, we hold the power to be happier, and to make others around us experience the same feeling too.
Life is a mystery we are all living in. We all may love it in our own special ways. We may despise it in different ways. We may question it. We may treasure it. Or we may just have it, accept it, indifferently. But what is the purpose of our lives? What if the secret of our existence is so near? What if the secret actually brings us happiness and contentment when we discover it?
What if the truth of our life’s purpose, and of its happiness, is as simple as this:
It is all about bonding.
Connection is everything
Everything is about connecting. Everything is part of everything else. If we look at our own life, it says it all. Then we will start to see the real purpose of our life.
Why do we do anything, ANYTHING at all, in life as humans?
It is simply because we want to connect more and more. We make friends to feel connected. We get married to connect with someone more deeply and more permanently. We create a family to feel even more connected. We go out to meet more people to connect with, not only to get practical benefits from those connections, but also to feel more connected to the world.
We buy nice clothes and go to a hairdresser to feel more connected to our sense of aesthetics and to our own physical beauty. We eat a variety of food to feel more connected to our sense of taste and smell. We dine out to feel connected to the people we share the meals with. We buy mobile phones and computers to connect with others and the world. We read newspapers and magazines to stay connected to what is happening and what others are doing and feeling. We study and learn to connect with what others know and value.
All that we do is done to satisfy the need for that bonding. If we have no bonds with our own body, we do not even need to sleep or eat. Our bonds to all our senses tell us to do certain things to satisfy the demands that the body makes. If we disregard these pleas of our body, we feel pain and discomfort. And over and above our basic needs, we search for a bonding of a loftier type – the bonding to our existence – the bonding to our purpose. And without those bonds, it is just bare. Just like the barrenness many of us feel within when we have no bonds even to ourselves. It is just not the right way we are supposed to live our lives.
Relationship is powerful, and yet it’s fragile and tender..
When the bonds in a relationship lose strength, we go in for a separation, divorce, disagreements, judgement, and bitterness. It never feels good to lose the bonding. Still, it possible to be in love with someone today, and totally disconnected and bitter towards him tomorrow. And this change of feelings can happen just by the flicker of an eyelid. And the eyes might be yours or theirs!
When we feel disconnected
When the bonds are not there, we perceive problems all over. We start seeing disparities and obstacles. We begin passing judgement on others and reproaching them. We blow up, focus on and strengthen those things that we perceive as problems. When that happens, we might even turn all that negativity inwards and cause ourselves hurt and injury. We cannot feel completely happy when we have severed the bonds with even just one thing.
Relationship: the Secret to Happiness
What about if we looked at the whole concept in reverse? When we do that we discover this simple truth: we cannot feel unhappy when we are feeling totally connected. It’s impossible!
Try to feel moody when we feel the security of our bonding to the people around us and laughing and enjoying with our whole heart. Even if we have our own fair share of difficulties in life, we would still be able to break into a laugh and enjoy and feel good when the bonds are strong. At the same time, we would be unable to enjoy things when those bonds are absent.
Bonding: Our Life
Bonding is the core of all things. That is what life is about. Bonding.
Everything is a unified whole of smaller units. Everything combines together to form a bigger unit; the way our bodies are a fusion of smaller entities like atoms, molecules, cells and organs.
Our acts and the choices we make are the manifestations of our need for bonding. We are designed to persistently search ways to bond to each other and to a larger rationale.
Bonding and Religion
Some of us opt to be part of various religions to feel better bonded. This bonding that they seek could be to God. It may be to the people with the same convictions. When we share a similar credence, there is a greater feeling of being bound to the people in that group. More awarding and handing over takes place among people who are feeling strong bonds with each other.
Bonding and Business
Many people begin an enterprise to feel better bonded to themselves by being in control of their fate. But often in the entrepreneurial world, we end up being more and more segregated especially when we start viewing other ventures as contenders, staff as instruments and customers as a money flow. But the basic point of why we got into the venture was to feel the power of that bonding. So, why do we need to fashion that disconnection at all? May be in the perfect world, all business ventures worked differently, but hand in hand.
Bonding and Wars
Some of us even create arguments or wars to experience some sense of ‘victory’ or supposedly a greater sense of security and significance. But ironically, this rebounds. The moment we ‘win’ the battle, we are actually more disconnected from others. We now need more security to protect ourselves from being attacked by others. We somehow end up being more insecure and afraid. We can’t laugh at this because it actually happens to almost every one of us in different ways.
It could be the disagreements we have with the people around us. It may be the wrong assessment we make when we feel that something or someone is not right. When we make an attempt to be the only one to succeed, we can never succeed in the real way – we feel not connected. We can really enjoy the success when we succeed along with others. Then we will feel the strength of the relationship.
Despite the varied ways in which our needs are expressed, everything we do is to satisfy the yearning we have to feel and have a strong relationship.
The full sense of a bonding is realized only through our heart. We can bond with anybody when we are truly concerned about them and feeling that bond with them. If we are conscious of this, giving life to that required state of mind is really easy, uncomplicated and a pleasure. Then we would actually feel more delight and joy.
Life is like a play. We act things and feel things in a play but actually, the aim of the play is to derive pleasure out of it. It is not about acting out things, doing things. When the curtain falls finally, the winners are the ones who have experienced joy by acting. Not the ones who received more applause in the end. The effects and upshots of a play in which we acted do not affect our real life. But if we lost all our life to act in a play just because we wanted to be the best actor there, would it make us the best actor of the play?
It is easy to make out this in the background of competing in sports, but we often do not realize it in the sports and games of real life. We forget so fast that life is also a form of sports.
Even if we don’t know when this game actually started and when it would end, we know that it somehow started in the past and it will end someday. When we close the lid of the game box eventually one day, can we simply say, “Wow, it was so much fun. Let’s play again!”
In the sports of life, the aim of the game is to establish a relationship. We can keep connecting until we all unite to become one. It is the one way to constantly feel the relationship to our objective – the feeling of pleasure and delight. We cannot feel detached from the relationship to anything or refuse and conclude even one thing if we are to achieve a lasting relationship.
Life is as uncomplicated as that. There is just ONE secret.
And the secret is to establish a relationship.
To grow into ONE
To enjoy.
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If you’re like some of the guys I know, I can guess what went down when you last tried to pick up a girl. I bet you latched on a pretty girl who looked bored and spent a huge chunk of your evening trying to woo her. It didn’t matter that she was unresponsive. You figured you’re neck deep in your game anyway so why not put everything you have into it? But wait… this means if she blows you off, you will surely go home alone because most of the other girls in the room have either gone home or hooked up with other men.
Here’s the deal. Focusing your attention on only one girl in a booming party might simply hurt your game if you are not careful. Instead of looking for a solitary woman who might be bored to death or lonely, why not open a set of women and entertain all of them?
Those men who have learned how to pick up women know that seduction is a numbers game. The more women you meet at a time, the higher the possibility of getting dates off every interaction. The only problem is entertaining a group of women and keeping their attention…
How to Pick Up Women By Keeping Them Mesmerized – Two Tips
1. Learn How to Open Several Times in a Discussion
Openers aren’t only for introducing yourself to a group of ladies. You can utilize openers several times, especially when the mood is stressful or when the talk has gone stale. You can also make use of openers to present a pal who happened to walk by, or to joke with the more timid members of the set.
If you’re just sitting there letting tension brew, you might be sending the wrong message. Be the life of the party and find ways to keep the women interested. Don’t be boring.Remember, you want to end up dating one or even two of these girls in the future.
If you can learn some magic tricks to amuse the women you meet, you can bet they would like to stay with you for the rest of the night. Learning a few “fascination tools” like magic can bring in a throng of ladies wanting to learn more about you.
There’s a good place to begin learning some advanced pick up routines you can employ to attract women. These will boost your confidence and help you learn how t pick up women. Go to PUMA skill sets for more information.
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First off, I want to tell you that most people who are looking for advice on how to get their ex back don’t really know the true reason behind their break up. Sometimes, people are confused and think that they understand the situation completely when they in truth do not.
When our ex no longer wants to be with us, they usually give us some kind of reason. Maybe you think you have a clear idea of what this reason is, because it was explicit.
On the other hand, it could be that your ex gave you one of the clich old sayings about why they no longer want to be together. Phrases like “it’s not you it’s me” or “let’s just be friends.” These offer little insight into the actual situation, and can leave you feeling quite helpless.
In order to put your mind at ease, it is imperative that you understand the actual cause of your break up. The real reason that your ex doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore can be quite counter intuitive.
If your ex is content on being away from you and no longer wants to be in the relationship, it can only mean one thing — that your ex is no longer as strongly attracted to you as they once were. Let me tell you something about attraction — attraction is one of the most powerful emotions that humans are capable of, and it dictates our actions extremely powerfully. If your ex were still attracted to you in the way that they were in the beginning, would they really be able to resist being with you? Can you resist being with them?
Let me give you a clear example of this phenomenon. I’m sure you’ve seen couples who stay together no matter how many problems they have. And I mean they stay together with some extremely bad problems! Maybe they know they should get away from each other, but they just can’t bring themselves to do it because of the strong emotional bond that they have. You may think this is because they are weak people, but that’s not the case.
Just like you yourself are feeling victim to the strong forces of attraction, so does anybody who feels it. And your ex is no exception!
Attraction is the missing ingredient. It is the one thing that can bring your ex back to you, both emotionally and physically. If you truly want your ex back, then reigniting that spark that was once there is vital to your success. However, don’t make the mistake of thinking that attraction only pertains to physical appearance, because that couldn’t be further from the truth.
No, attraction is much more complicated than that, and it is not a choice. It is mostly mental, actually. Sure, looks contribute, but it’s the overall feeling that is most important. And you can influence that feeling with psychology.
Getting your ex back is easier than you think. You just need to start doing more things that build attraction, and stop doing things that kill attraction. That’s the best advice on how to get your ex back that I can give you.
Here are some systems that I recommend for recreating attraction and getting your ex back: The Ex Back System and The Magic of Making Up
It can be extremely difficult to get your life back together after a break up which has left your poor little heart in shambles. Many people in this situation cannot stop thinking about how to get their ex back, but you’re better off abiding by the no contact rule while you wait for your heart to mend.
Movies and popular songs have trivialized a broken heart, but the fact of the matter is that a broken heart can be more painful and feel more life threatening than open heart surgery. No, a broken heart may not be able to kill you, but the symptoms can certainly make you feel like you want to curl up and die.
When suffering from a broken heart, it is not uncommon to experience drastic urges such as the craving to call your ex every waking minute of the day or to binge eat to take your mind off of the sadness you feel. These feelings are perfectly normal and something that just about every serious relationship goes through at its end, and will begin to subside as time goes on.
You want to avoid behaving recklessly and doing things that you would not do were your heart not broken. Men will often do things such as try to figure out how to make an ex girlfriend jealous, while women will commonly hook up with a stranger or a friend who they would not under normal circumstances. You want to avoid this impulsive behavior and not do anything in your vulnerable state that you will regret later.
Try and remember things that you used to do that made you happy on your own. You don’t have to completely forget about your ex and shut them out of your life altogether; that would just be unrealistic. You can’t automatically forget, but you can shift your focus.
The most important part of all this is not to get discouraged. A break up is one of the most common ordeals in life and they can really slow you down, but they are also one of the most commonly remedied situations. Not very many people die from a broken heart, although at times it can make you feel close to death. Just stay positive, and remember that this too shall pass!
Love is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Here are a few techniques to make your ex miss you: Make Ex Miss You
Getting a kiss on the first date isn’t automatic. If you want that first kiss, you need to make sure that you set up the right conditions. You’ll need a little privacy, but nothing too secluded because you don’t want your date to be uncomfortable.
Public places like restaurants and clubs are a little public for a first kiss no matter how romantic the atmosphere. Your car is probably not great either, especially if it has bucket seats.
Wherever you chose to stage your first kiss, you want it to me memorable, and not because it was a bad idea. Here are some tips on how to get kissed and get a second date.
1. The right moment doesn’t just happen, although you’ll want her to think it did. A nice dinner near the beach or a well lit park calls for a pleasant walk afterwards. Just the two of you on a walk makes for a great opportunity.
Your car is not the ideal location for your first kiss, unless you have a convertible and you park in a romantic spot. An area that is too secluded may make your date uncomfortable.
2. Never pressure your date for more than she is willing to give. Watch for her signals. If she is comfortable holding your hand, or having you take her arm she will probably be okay with a kiss.
Just the same, in order for you to build that intimacy, you must play your role well in conversations. Make sure that you open up to her and that she does the same with you. You can take the extra step of attempting to hold her hand or elbows in a non-sexual way.
A display of good manners with non sexual touching will set your date at ease and help set the stage for that first kiss.
3. If you aren’t sure she wants to be kissed, ask her. Asking permission to touch a woman shows that you respect her and her feelings. It also allows the woman to feel in control of the situation.
If your evening was a complete disaster, don’t count on getting a kiss unless the lady has a great sense of humor. If your date can see the fun in the event or if she feels sorry for you, you may want to hang onto her. She’s definitely a keeper.
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